Lately it’s been feeling like a spell has been broken; like I’m waking up from a really long slumber and remembering myself.
Ever since becoming pregnant with the twins, my life has been a whirlwind. I have been preoccupied, busy, distracted, worried and tired and the last thing on my mind was a social life or doing things for myself.
Once the twins were born, and well past their first birthday, I felt like I was in survival mode trying to figure out how to be a good parent and work a full time job at the same damn time. My priorities lie in breastfeeding, pumping, working, focusing on their development and enriching their tiny brains. By their first birthday I felt more confident in my abilities as a parent, but was still a shadow of the person I was before they were born.
It was easy to fall down the rabbit hole and begin defining myself solely by my motherhood. I took on that role with fervor until I barely recognized myself. Eventually I forgot what I liked to do, how I spent my time, what kinds of things I liked to buy… I even forgot what kinds of things my husband and I talked about before the babies came along. We went on date nights and weekends away, and I still caught up with my friends over brunch every so often, but my heart wasn’t really in it.
Well the babies turned 2 about a month and a half ago and it’s begun to feel like I’m starting to remember the person I was before the babies came. I started getting my nails done and wearing makeup again, I started crafting, watching movies and shopping for myself again. I even made plans with friends two nights in a row this week.
I’m not resentful of the babies, and frankly given the chance to do-over, I’d probably do everything the same way. This past 2 years has been all about them and I am overjoyed to be their mama. But at least for now, I’m really enjoying getting to know myself again. I missed me.